The process to healing a broken heart

Believe me, today was difficult. But it was better than yesterday. Today I found a burning desire to just write all my pain away. Even though many people had surrounded me all day, I truly wanted to be left alone with my own thoughts. The best way for me to release my emotions and feelings is through writing. So, here it goes.

I want to release a few things out of my chest by pondering on this thought: “what is the line that separates fidelity from infidelity?”

We all may have different responses to this question, and I for one am not sure. In my opinion, I firmly believe that “flirting”, and “dancing” with someone else at the club while you’re in a relationship is an act of disloyalty. In addition, the line was crossed as soon as you continued talking to HER for the next few days. The intention may be from boredom and curiosity, but the control to refuse was under your power. You simply chose not to refuse, and gave in to the temptation. I wish it would be easy enough for me to clean your name, but your actions are filthy. I understand your desperation to leave our relationship. I understand how you fell out of love. I understand how you were afraid to hurt me. But you could’ve ended this sooner and better. The betrayal came from your lies, sugarcoated with the false assurance of your love for me.

At many points during today, I really wanted to know who she was. But then I realized that she is NOT the problem. The problem was already there; HER presence only stimulated the situation. The feeling of getting replaced is throbbing my soul. I really need to love myself again, which is also another reason why I’m better off not knowing who she is. If I found out who she was, I would most likely compare myself to her. The last thing I want to do right now is to torture myself with my own insecurities. “Is she prettier?” “Is she better?” “Did she make you feel good?” “What does she have that I DO NOT?”  

Whoever she may be, I hope she was worth it.

To start healing I must accept and let go. It has only been day ONE. My tears are only temporary, but my heart will definitely heal and I will find happiness again. My mom raised me to love with all my heart. Even though my heart is in shambles right now, I will rebuild it, and I will love even better in the future.

Jay and I still have not met face to face. However, I still look forward to seeing him again.