Dear Jonathan Jay,
Since you do not want to meet in person for our closure, I’ll just write it down on here. I need you to know exactly how I feel for you.
I want to express my sincere gratitude for the past 5 years we had. We may had gone through a rough ending, but there were so many beautiful memories that we made during the 5 years we had. I still remember your old spiky hair that stood 3 inches tall… I still remember those long beaded wooden necklaces you used to wear in high school… I still remember your first red Acura car… I still remember our spontaneous Netflix marathons in your basement room… There’s so much of you to remember and so little to forget.
Never had I expected to write you a goodbye letter, because I honestly thought that we were going to last forever. Regardless of how WE ended, how WE started was beautiful. The way you chased me around in high school, to the way you smiled at me for the first time, and to the way you said your first “I love you“… all of it was so beautiful for me. I’m crying as I write this, because I still have so much love for you. But sometimes to make the people we love happy, you need to let them go; And that’s exactly what I’m doing.
I can honestly say that I forgive you for lying to me. Although I’m still hurting from your lies, just know that I still forgive you. Knowing myself, I probably got too much for you to handle, and made you feel so choked and trapped. I’m so sorry if I ever made you feel trapped. I just did not know how else to show my affections and care. Now the cage is open and you can spread your wings and fly. During your journey, just do not forget about me.
The pain I’m feeling right now is only temporary. But then again, people always say that there is never an easy breakup. Do not ever feel bad for all the wrongs and hurt you put me through. Like you said before, you just did what you had to. However, I do hope that you learn from our relationship. I hope you learn how to communicate your feelings with your future partner, and that you never lie to her. I hope you love her with all your heart like I did for you. I hope you remember me from time to time, and smile in content. I hope you smile at our old memories and refer to me as someone whom you used to love. I hope the best for you, and your future… wherever it may lead you.
Saying goodbye is the toughest, but do not be afraid of new beginnings. I’ll always be your distant friend, hiding in your memories and deep within your heart. If we ever come across each other again, I hope by then we both have grown into the better versions of our current selves. Learn. Love. Live. Most of all, be happy. If you ever need anything, I’ll always be here for you.
I pray to God every night that he keeps you safe, because now I will not be by your side to secure you. I wish you all the best, and that you grow stronger and happier throughout the years. Your happiness is also my happiness, so please find all the means to live happily. I’d like to say I’d WAIT for you until you’re done getting yourself together, but I may not be able to keep that promise. I promised myself that I will focus on “being better” for the next few months. If you have a change of heart, and IF by then my feelings are STILL THERE for you, then maybe we can still work things out. BUT, if the circumstances change, I still wish you all the best.
Dear Jay, if you ever fall in love again, please do it with all your heart. Remember how much I loved you, and I hope that my “love” is the one memory you’ll have of ME for the rest of your life.
Take care my love,
Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.