April 2, 2017
To all the beautiful women out there who are currently broken, my heart aches for you. To the young girls who are going through extreme insecurities and doubts, I can relate to you. To the many females who just wants to be loved and held by someone who genuinely cares for them, I understand you.
This week, one of my best friends since I was little had her heart broken for the first time, by her first love. The circumstance of her breakup is nothing like mine was… but it still was painful. Regardless of how a relationship ends, each ending brings forth its own pain. Throughout this week, my friend was in the position I was a few months ago. She was broken. Crying over a man whom she loved, but he just never had it in him to love her the way she should be.
It’s strange to be on this side. I used to be the one my friends lifted and supported during the most painful heartbreak of my life. My friends stuck with me throughout all the tears and anger. They made sure that my heart and soul was still beating. A few months ago, I used to be the one crying over some asshole who cheated on me. But now, here I am, carrying my friend’s broken heart and soul with her. I will make sure that my friend feels her heartache the proper way and still come back strong. I will be here for her not only because I’m her dear friend, but also because I know what it’s like to be broken.
Being brokenhearted is not a crime and everyone needs to go through this pain at least once in their lives. The pain teaches one to be stronger and to be a better being. A heartbreak forces one to survive a tragic test of time.
As a woman, I will honestly tell you that each heartbreak will destroy a part of you. It will be a very difficult experience and you will need a strong support system. Luckily, when I was broken, I had plenty of strong women to rely on for support and advices. These women in my life are the reasons why I AM HERE TODAY. If it wasn’t for them and for their help, my heartbreak would’ve been a lot more painful and a lot more difficult to overcome.
Well, to be honest, I still feel the pain once in awhile, but I’ve become better at handling it… and it’s because of them why I force myself to be strong. I wouldn’t want to disappoint my friends and family after all the work, time and energy they had invested in me. I wouldn’t want to disappoint them like my past partner had disappointed me. AND that is exactly why I keep fighting. They are the reason why each time my heart longs for him again, I force myself to remember that I deserve better. I feel quite bad for my next love, because he has a lot of people to get approval from… and if one of my friends or family members disapproves of him, then it’s going to be quite tough for me to keep him. I value my family and friends’ input, and you should too.
Friends and family are the most important people in your life. Take care of them and listen to what they have to say. The real ones in your life are the ones who will be honest with you. For example, if your friends and family warns you during the early phases of a relationships that, “he’s no good for you”, you should probably listen and take their words into consideration. Their early warnings may save you a lot of grief in the future. Once you hear your friends and family “complain” about your new/current partner, I hope you realize that they often see aspects of him that you’re too blinded to see. They just want the best for you, and I hope you listen.
BUT I know, and I get it… sometimes no matter how much warnings and advices you receive from your family and friends, sometimes “you just need to follow your heart and make your own choice”. When it ends, just come right back to them and understand that they were right all along. When it ends, cry as much as you can to them and I hope you realize they were the truth you needed, not him.
To be honest, during the aftermaths of a breakup, you will discover who the “real people” in your life are. The real ones will come to your rescue at any time and day. The real ones will protect you from more pain and they too, will cry with you. The real ones will understand your heart. The real ones will stay and guide you to becoming a better you. The real ones will help define you and they will remind you that you were not the mistake.
For some fucked up reason, women often blame themselves each time a relationship ends. “What did I do wrong? Was I not good enough? Was it my fault?”
but honey… it’s not your fault.
It ended simply because it wasn’t meant to be. It ended because it’s not the right time for you to be in that particular relationship yet. It ended because you deserve better love. It ended because your next love is on its way soon. It ended because you need to grow and be better. It ended because you have so much to accomplish and he will just slow you down. It ended because you deserve the fucking moon, the stars, the sun, and the entire galaxy. It’s not your fault. It ended for many reasons, but IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Each time a relationship fails and ends, take it as a learning opportunity. View the pain as a lesson… What did you learn about it? What would you had change? How would your next relationship be better? What did you like? What did you dislike? What do you want from now on?
Cry… and then bounce back. Cry to the point wherein you can finally celebrate being alive and well again.
You see, I have plenty of friends and each time one of us is “single” again we view it as a celebration. Each time we exit a relationship we support each other by telling the brokenhearted friend the truth and its entirety. We comfort our friend through words and listening. We comfort a brokenhearted friend by telling her, “he doesn’t deserve you, he was trash, you’ll find someone better, he ain’t shit, go on to better things” – this type of encouragement is exactly what you’ll need during the first few weeks or months after a breakup.
As soon as the pain becomes bearable, that’s when you start celebrating life with your squad. Celebrate, not as a mean to cope and forget, celebrate because you need it. Celebrate, to remind yourself that you can still go out and have fun without any man in your life. Celebrate, so you can party and dance like you’ve never had before. Celebrate, so you can put on that sexy dress or outfit and do your makeup beautifully… this will definitely boost your esteem. Celebrate, so that you can take photos with all the important people in your life, and these photos will remind you of who was there for you in your time of need. Celebrate, so all your girl friends can empower your social media images into new heights (Those heart eyes emojis and fire emojis will truly mean so much more). CELEBRATE LIFE… BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN’T SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE MOPING AND CRYING OVER A MAN WHO BROKE YOU.
Celebrate yourself and all that is genuinely beautiful about you. Celebrate, because you deserve to be happy.
I believe that all women are strong. We have it in US to continue on our lives regardless of all the pain we carry. We are warriors. We go to war everyday with our hearts on the line, and each time our heart gets wounded we find ways to heal it. Your family will be your heart’s doctor. Your friends will be your heart’s nurse. You don’t always have to heal on your own… sometimes you just need to lean on someone. There are people like me that you can escape to and seek comfort in when you’re broken. Trust me, if you’re ever broken, give me a call and I got you, boo.
Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.