December 26, 2016
To those who are following my Love & Pain blog, you would know that I decided to stop posting on it. I’m not ready to start writing again on that blog, not just yet. As of late, I am more focused on healing my wounded heart. Writing helps. But, writing also reopens the wounds and bring forth more heartaches. This post is to give you all an update about my current physical, emotional, and mental state.
This holiday season is by far the worst I’ve ever had. With the amount of studying I had to prepare for my exams, and seeking the balance to maintain my physical health while going through the stress of my exams, and meeting my family’s expectations to be festive during the holidays, and finding any free time to keep up with my social life, and trying to keep a positive mental aptitude against my gnawing depression, and searching for any means to get through without breaking, and trying my best to comfort myself against this void in my heart, and helplessly drowning in my own sorrow …. annnnnd yeah … my December of 2016 was hell.
BUT I MADE IT.
This year is almost done, and I can not wait to start anew. Although, the heartache and sorrow will follow me in 2017, I believe that these emotions will sort themselves out eventually. Although, the mental stress of the new school semester is going to be difficult, my brain will find its focus and drive. Although, every inch of my muscles will be tired and weak, my body will continue to move. Although, I still have challenges and trials awaiting me in 2017, I determined that those problems are not under my power to solve right now. Therefore, I should let time and fate run its course and work its magic for me … Because time and fate are working hard on my team, I need to be strong for them too. I have learned that the future and what it holds is not in my power to dictate. I can only prepare for my future today,
I have accomplished so much during my time of weakness. I’ve finished my classes with A’s and B’s, lost weight and became healthier, reconnected with old friends, made new friends, repaired my weakening relationship with my family, and most importantly, I proved to myself that I AM A STRONG WOMAN. My strength was profoundly built during the aftermath of my breakup. Back in September, the old “Dezleigh” would not even believe that sometime in October, she would lose the ” love of her life “. The old “Dezleigh” can only imagine what it means to be strong , because the old “Dezleigh” does not know real strength. The old “Dezleigh” would not even believe JUST HOW STRONG SHE TRULY IS .
After all I’ve been through this past 3 months, I’m proud to say that I feel like I’m EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE IN LIFE . Sometimes, for a person to become stronger, he / she must face difficult trials and find the means to come out on top … that is where real strength originates. It is during our weakest hours in which we are forced to fight to live … to love … to fight for ourselves. After defeating our life’s challenges, that’s when we discover inherent strength.
“I need time to heal . ” I’ve been repeating that line so much in my posts. But that sentence in itself is true, and there is no other way for me to rewrite it. I have not discovered the best way to fully heal yet … but I’ve found many ways to elevate the pain. The memories of my injury will never be forgotten, but the pain can be eased with time. To help time fix my wounds, I personally find that it feels better when I’m surrounded by the people I LOVE. My family and friends had been the greatest support system. They are picking up my broken pieces, without me needing to ask for their help. Whenever I feel weak and hurt, they are there to remind me of my worth … to remind me of how beautiful my soul is … and they lift my spirit up in ways I can not. At times wherein my problems are getting too stressful, they comfort me and make me believe the in “good” that is left. In time, I will be strong enough to carry myself through and handle my own problems. Only time has the ability to heal my heart, everything else can only lessen the pain and accelerate the healing process.
Fate. Fate is something I truly believe in. I believe that everything happens in life for a reason. We are exactly where we need to be at this very moment in our lives . If you’re going through a terrible heartache like I am, just know that this was meant to be … maybe your heart was meant to be broken so that you can free yourself from a relationship that was not meant for you… Maybe your heart got broken because you’re meant to be loved by someone else… maybe your heart got broken so you can blossom into the rose you were meant to be… maybe fate has something even better for you In the future. It is magical to believe in the concept of “happy ever after“, and I understand that a heartbreak destroys that concept. But please, Let me remind you to keep believing in the “happy ever after” of life … I’m sure fate has something even more magical and more “fairytale like” waiting for us somewhere in our future. Let’s hurt and grow today, so that we can fall in love again sooner or later.
It does not matter when our next love will come … all that matters is that we continue to believe in the magic of fate. Fate will deliver the love that was meant to be for us in perfect timing. Let fate and time do its work, and all you need to do is to keep believing in love!!! It does not matter when our next love will come… all that matters is that we continue to believe in the magic of fate.
Strength found from weakness is a beautiful thing. Give time to heal your wounds, and do not rush love … learn to just let things be. Lastly, believe in fate and the magic it has to ultimately change your life. Fate is your friend, not your enemy. Hang in there, young and beautiful souls … You have so much love to give, and so much in you to love.
Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.