April 11, 2017
For the past 4 months now, I had been getting very close to someone. I hate dropping names and he also wishes to be out of the public eye, therefore I will keep his identity a secret. But he’s someone new, and he’s been making me feel alive again. He’s also someone that I’ve already introduced to all my friends and even mentioned to my family as well… so it’s safe to say we’re a little bit more than friends.
He’s the special someone who made me realize how I’m actually a very selfish person. No one has ever made me realize negative parts of myself like he has. He pointed out my flaws in an endearing way… and he truly humbled me down and changed my point of view on many things. Without his help, my insanity after my last breakup would’ve been worse. He calms me down like the wind blowing through the leaves, yet angers me like the thunder screaming out from the clouds. Dealing with him can be difficult at times, yet he makes the difficulties easy to understand. I’ve put him through so many tests to determine his intention, and on all the tests I’d put him through, he has overcome each of them in ways I expected and beyond. He’s a hidden gem, and I’m so happy that he found me. Unfortunately for him, I am a mess. If he wants US to work out, he will need to be patient and be understanding of me… because right now, even I can’t understand myself.
There are many reasons why my past relationship failed, and because of that, I am trying my best to be better for the sake of my current “relationship”. (Our status is difficult to explain right now because we have not yet made it official and we are not yet exclusive). Undoubtedly, my feelings for him are starting to form…. and because of that, I can’t help but be scared. It’s not fair for me to compare him to my last partner, but I’m holding back due to the fact that I’m scared of getting hurt again. My guards are so high up right now, and I’m not sure how to let him in. Is he worth letting my guard down for? Is he the next big part of my life? Will he be able to make sacrifices? Will I be able to sacrifice a few things for him?
One thing is definitely for sure… he’s someone new.
Today, I don’t know where we will end up. We may not even touch base as “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” ever… but the thought of calling him my “baby” is fascinating. Everything that makes our situation “difficult” can not be easily fixed. There are lots of complications between us… and to be honest, those complications are deterring me from investing more time and emotions in him. BUT – no matter how hard I try to distance myself from him, I still can’t help but to be pulled right back in to his company. He has become my 3 am call, my drunk call, my sad call, my angry call, my motivation call, my happy call, my best friend call… it’s difficult to stop talking to someone who has been there for me throughout it all. Even though we are thousand of miles apart, every second I talk to him on the phone causes me to feel like he’s near. Yes, my “Someone New” is not from Calgary… or Canada… he’s American. This time, my “Someone New” takes form in a long distance relationship.
I know I’m making it sound like were not going to work out… but you just need to know the reason WHY WE CAN’T BE EXCLUSIVE. The distance is difficult to overcome.
Point is, I wanted to introduce “Someone New” to you all… because unlike the last person I posted about, he’s definitely here to stay… and I know it’s not for temporary.
With my kindest regards for him, and love for you all,
Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.