October 1, 2017
This time around last year I was in a toxic relationship that blinded me from seeing my own truth. This time last year, I had different goals, and my priorities were not the same. It took a heartbreak to make me realize how I was straying farther and farther away from the person I truly wanted to be.
I had to redefine myself, and correct the past mistakes I made.
The past few weeks I had been trying to figure out myself. In the broadest way, I went searching for how I want “Mary Dezleigh Teodosio” to be like around this time again next year. A year ago I thought I would be someone else, and now I’m reevaluating it all. Now, I find myself picking up the slack on all the lectures I missed, waking up earlier for all the days I slept too much in, eating healthier for all the crappy food I had been feeding my body, socializing more in return for all the missed memories I could had made, working harder, being better, and loving a hundred times stronger.
The future is truly unpredictable. Tomorrow holds thousands of uncertainties. The next hour is another chapter to unravel. The next minute still has more. The next second is still a breath away. So, how am I suppose to prepare myself right now for who I will be tomorrow… next week… next month… next year? Who will I be then?
This is how I learned to believe and have faith that the greater good will come to those who wait. Patience learned from the cruelty of time, is a lesson worth learning. Time is neither a foe or an ally. Time is simply a measure of when the seasons change, the days passing, and the amount of growth we make. In so, I learned that time can be whatever you make it to be. Since time itself is not the sole indicator of one’s growth, time can be construed to fit in any possible way you want it to be. If you want to take your time in doing things a certain way, then so be it. If rushing and living life on the fast lane is more your style, then go for it! You have the ability to control your own time and how you want it to be spent – your life is yours to live.
But there is one lesson that our time will teach us in return.
Time taught me how to be patient. Regardless of how slow or fast I took things, I learned that if it’s not meant to be for me, it won’t happen. I learned that no matter how much I planned and dreamed, if it wasn’t destined for me, it won’t happen. For each failure in relationships, academics, life, and love I’ve ever had, I learned that there is a purpose behind it all. My patience taught me how to be strong and how to have faith in the uncertainties of life. I learned that I don’t always know the answer on “how to live a good life” and sometimes, what I want is simply not meant for me.
I learned that time can create better beings in lost souls. I learned that people can change in due time. I learned that we all have a purpose in this life, and eventually we will slowly unravel it day by day… but only to unravel so little of that purpose, and not to reveal its entirety. I learned that our quest to seek for our full life’s purpose, in chasing for time, and being patient throughout the process of its discovery is what creates a meaningful life.
Importantly, I learned to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that our time is the most valuable component of our lives.
At this point, I’m still trying to figure out who, what, and where I want to be in life. However, the process of figuring it all out is so much easier now since I had been falling in love with someone new. Love is so unpredictable, one minute you’re in love, then you’re out of love, and next thing you know you’re back to falling in love all over again.
Yes – I am talking about Mr. Jason Yang. His arrival in my life made me realize that I can fall in love again, and correct my past faults. I’ve been so lost in falling in love, yet I had not fallen out of myself either. Right now, I had found a partner I can build a future with… and our dream coincidentally match each other’s. I finally found a match to push me academically, professionally, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. And to think that the last year me didn’t know about this person coming into my life today… is insanely absurd!!!
Meeting Jason is proof that good things will come to those who wait. Meeting Jason gave my past troubles a reason. Meeting Jason is giving me a purpose to be better. Who knew that losing an old flame can result into a bigger, brighter, and stronger flame… a flame big enough to outshine the sun in me, like a supernova just waiting to explode… not in a catastrophic end, but towards rebirth of a new star.
Mary Dezleigh Teodosio.